Within the past year and a half a lot has happened. I developed a relationship with Christ in the spring of 2011, but I was in a long term relationship with someone who was a non-believer. Even though I was told this: "Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers.”- 2 Corinthians 6:14 I didn’t want to listen to it. I ended up having a constant battle with myself because I knew it was wrong. After a ton of frustration, abuse, and multiple breaks I finally ended it in August. We were together for a total of 5 years (without breaks), we were engaged, we lived together, and we both gave something physical to each other we could not get back. There are days I can go without thinking about him, and then there are times when it’s just rough to make it through. What gets me is even though we treated each other so badly; I still miss him at times. I know I am worth more, and have been treated better. From my experience the more effort, the more time, and the more of yourself you put into a relationship the worse it is going to hurt when it ends. The “It will never happen to me” mentality will hurt you in the end. I remember saying that so much in High School and took risks with sex, alcohol, and so many other things. You can do two things after a break up: you can hide it, but it will eventually spill over into all aspects of your life, and you will have a ton of bitterness in your heart. Or you can humble yourself and lay it all at the feet of God and learn from your mistakes. You’ve got to know He is the only one that will fill the void in your heart, the only one that will truly complete you. After the heart ache I’ve dealt with all situations I put myself into don’t do it to yourself. You are worth more. God values you more than that. God wants every part of you, not just pieces you pick and choose to give. He sees everything and hears everything. But it’s up to you to talk to Him. After being in a situation like this all you can do it move on, let God heal you, and know that He has something better in store for you.
My dating experience hasn’t been extravagant, but I can tell you a few things. Here is my compilation:
1. God needs to be first-do not date a non-believer
I dated a guy that didn’t believe in Christ. Our morals and values were not the same. At first we first met we didn’t care, because we were sixteen. Later on in the relationship I became a Christian. It was a constant battle because I wasn’t the same person I was when coming to Christ. I didn’t want to do the same things I did before and he disregarded my feelings. God told us to not be unevenly yoked for a reason. 2 Corinthians 6:14 It’s because He doesn’t want to see us get hurt. I wish I would have listened.
2. Make a Quality or Characteristic List
You are making the perfect dream man/woman, but you are making expectations. But I am being serious. Make a list of qualities you want in a man. Not those silly superficial qualities like rich, nice car, hot guns, etc. I’m talking like down to earth, family man, hardworking, servant’s heart, money management, etc. Doing this and resorting back to this list when you begin to crush on someone will save a lot of heart ache. Don’t just make the list; also pray for these qualities in your future husband/wife.
3. Best Friends
Honestly this is where I have messed up so many times. The best and strongest relationships start when two people are friends, or are well acquainted before dating. If you start a relationship without knowing a lot about someone it can be doomed from the start. You are committing yourself to someone that you don’t know and that is very dangerous. Take your time, and go slow, make sure you listen to God and do everything needs to be with His timing and not your own.
4. Boundaries
There needs to be some physical boundaries. Though every couple is different and has their own set of boundaries, but after losing my virginity and knowing my struggles (and many others), and from what God continues to reveal to me, I don’t believe anything physical should happen until marriage. The more physical stuff involved the worse it’s going to hurt, because it’s more of you that you are giving away. Yea, sure it feels nice at the time, but it will end up wrecking you in the end. Save the stuff for marriage, save it for the special one that God will bring to you with His timing. Kissing, and other things are huge temptation for other things, you do not want desires to be in your heart if you are trying to stay pure. Learn everything about the person, just not sexually. Save it for marriage kids!
5. Do not Worship together
This leads to feeling bound to a person. There is such an intimacy involved from reading the word together, or worshipping together. Honestly this is going to sound weird (but I never understood it until it happened to me) it is like spiritual sex. This should only be something that should be done with your husband. Not your “I know I am going to marry him one day” boyfriend.
6. Isolation
When dating, or becoming involved with someone, people tend to isolate themselves from vital relationships because they are so attached to that special person. This is where self-control comes in. You have to learn how to say, “I need to hang with the girls,” “I need to do homework,” etc. So many times couples become so wrapped up in themselves that other relationships get damaged and when said couple breaks up, it can be difficult for the isolated relationships to be repaired.
I’m not sure if you have agreed with any of these tips, but this is what I have picked up from experience or have learned from books I’ve read. Speaking of which if you haven’t read “I Kissed Dating Good-bye” by Joshua Harris, it is a must read. And will change your view on dating completely. And I mean this when I say it, if you are struggling with something like this, come and talk to me. I put this stuff on here in hopes of someone reading this and saying “I’m not the only one struggling.” I believe I went through these things for a reason. E-mail me fb message me whatever. I’ll be praying for you. Love you all. <3
